Chooses Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three guys in a helicopter and they each get to choose what they want to throw out.
The first guys chooses an apple. So he takes an apple and throws it out.
The second guy chooses a brick. So he takes a brick and throws it out.
The third guy chooses a grenade. So he pulls the pin and throws it out.
They land a while later and are walking along when they find a man rubbing his head.
They ask, "
What happened to you?"
He answers, "
An apple hit me on the head."
They're walking along again and find a man lying unconcious on the ground.
They ask the cop, "
What happened to him?"
He answers, "
A brick hit him on the head."
They're walking again, when they find a man laughing histerically.
They ask, "
What happened to you?"
He answers, "
I farted and the house blew up behind me!"

Tommy's house is packed with relatives for Christmas dinner. Grandpa calls 6 year old Tommy and starts asking about school, girlfriends and other stuff he can think of. After a while, grandpa notices that Tommy is losing interest in the conversation so he pulls out two bills from his wallet to see if he can keep him interested. A ten and a twenty-dollar bill. He shows both bills to Tommy and tells him that he can keep any one he chooses. Tommy reaches over and grabs the ten-dollar bill.



Grandpa pretty surprised and upset about the unwise decision his grandchild made, pulls out another ten dollar bill to see if it was a mistake. Again, he tells Tommy to take one of the bills and keep it. Tommy grabs the other ten. Grandpa again is surprised and upset. He takes Tommy over to one of the uncles and shows him how dumb Tommy is in choosing the ten over the twenty. Grandpa goes on and on showing every uncle and cousin and each time Tommy chooses the ten over the more...

Three men got shipwreck on an island. A native tribe that lived on the island said" You have come on our property and must now die.""You will choose a weapon, kill yourself, and we will build a boat out of your skin." The first guy chooses a knife and stabs himself in the heart. The second guy chooses a gun and shoots himself. The third guy asks for a fork. The tribe gives him a fork and the guy stabs himself all over. Then he says" Forget your boat you fuckin @ssholes!

John McCain Chooses a Running Mate

Sarah Palin may be the ideological opposite of Hillary Clinton, but she's her gynecological twin.

Three men are stranded on an island and a tribe appears from no where.
The chief says to them, "Ungubunga or death."
The first guy asks the chief, "What is ungubunga?" and the chief simply repeats himself.
The first guy says,"Ungubunga" and the chief screws him and lets him go.
The second guy says, "Well its pretty disgusting, but I have a family." so he chooses ungubunga and gets screwed.
The third guy says, "You two are disgusting!" and chooses death. the chief exclaims, "Good choice death by ungubunga!"