Christian Jokes / Recent Jokes

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).
That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.
"Well," they said, "Let's try this out."
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"
Quick as you more...

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equallyfundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog theyliked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their newfundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed off a little.The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.Well, they said, "let's try this out."Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command,"Heel!"Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the more...

A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson. And, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand. The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine. But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

AN old chieftain was being evangelised by a missionary. Noting that the men had the habit of filing their teeth to sharp points, the missionary put emphasis on the' Thou Shalt Not'. The aged chieftain listened, patiently.

'You mean that I must not take my neighbour's wife.'

'That's correct,' said the missionary.

'Or his oxen, or his elephants.'

'That's right.'

'Or I must not dance the war dance and then ambush him on the road and kill him.'

'So right.'

'Then I can become a good Christian sighed the chieftain,' for I cannot do any of these things. I am old.'

The guitarist from Christian Metal band Stryper has recently wed a former prostitute now turned evangelical.
She runs a Christian outreach called Hookers for Jesus.
Ive done my research and they do offer a 12 for 1 Apostle rate.
No matter how much you pay, you can only cum once.
They talk about a second coming...
but we all know thats never going to happen.

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. Prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to Christian "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark - then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..." As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of lightning hits the water and lo and behold, Justin turns into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swims away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them, Justin hardly realizing that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

During the next tropical storm, Justin figures that the same lightening force more...