Christian Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Sunday, a priest decided to skip church and go hunting in the nieghbooring forest. So while he was hunting he saw a gigantic grizzly bear the had stopped to get honey from a beehive. The priest thought the bear was good game, so he clumsily shot at it, and he missed. The bear, startled by the shot, jumped up and started charging at the priest. The priest used his only option: he dropped to his knees and prayed. "Dear God," he said, "Please let this bear be a good christian, a better one than I was." As the bear drew closer, is dropped to its knees and said, "Dear God, thank you for this meal I am about to receive."

Christian Coalition-Approved Nicknames for Breasts

- Mounds of Shame
- Democrat Catchers
- Pastor Baiters
- Heavenly Canteens
- Pearly Weights
- Communion Woofers
- Hooteronomies
- Sweater Undulations
- Beelzeboobs
- Racks of lambs of God
- Pamela 36:D
- The Daughters of Lactiticus
- Pizza Pizza
- First and Second Mammalonians
- NFRU (Not for Recreational Use)

A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk."Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."

A dentist friend's mother is a devout Christian. He had just opened his dental practice, and was dismayed when his mother told him she was embroidering a Bible verse to hang on the wall of his waiting room.

'Mum, you just don't put Bible Verses in dentists' clinics,' he groaned.

His mother assured him that he would like it. He did.

The verse his mother had chosen was Psalm 81: 10:' .... Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.'

Some bloopers of biblical proportions written by Sunday School students of both the Christian and Jewish persuasion:

In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah`s wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built the ark, which the animals came on in pears.

Lot`s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get more...

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don`t do it!"
"Why shouldn`t I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there`s so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well. .. are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
Christian."
Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist more...

The Sunday school teacher had just finished the lesson. She had taught the portion of the Bible that told of how Lot's wife looked
back and turned into a pillar of salt. She then asked if anyone had any questions or comments.Little Jeremy raised his hand. "My mommy looked back once when she was driving and she turned into a telephone pole!"