Christian Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God."God", he said, "how long is a million years?"God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about a minute."The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"God answered, "To me, it's a penny."The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"God answered, "In a minute."
The angry preacher... The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!" No one moved. The preacher continued, " Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan. I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets."
Jesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked."This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded."Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head."Aw, c'mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"
Three Muslims died and went to Heaven. When they approached the gate, St. Peter said "Sorry, only Christians are allowed in Heaven." The Muslims said "But we are good Christians!"St. Peter replied "Okay, if you're good Christians then tell me what is Easter?" The first Muslim went up to St. Peter and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a white bunny suit and hopped around delivering eggs to children!"St. Peter shook his head, and said "Next!"The second Muslim guy then came up and said "I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man dressed up in a red and white suit and flied around delivering presents to good children!"St. Peter sighed, and said "Next!"So the last Muslim guy comes up to old St. Peter and says "Oh, I know! I'm a good Christian! Easter was when the Jesus man died on the cross for the people, and they buried him in a cave. After three days more...
1) Nice bible. 2) I would like to pray with you. 3) You know Jesus? Me too. 4) God told me to come talk to you. 5) I know a church where we could go and talk. 6) How about a hug, sister? 7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy. 8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug. 9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4: 11 10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? 11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study? 12) I am here for you. 13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry," how about dinner? 14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither. 15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight? 16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart? 17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot? 18) Nice bracelet. What would Jesus date? I mean "do." 19) Do you believe in Divine appointment? 20) Have you ever tried praying at a more...
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home.
"Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers," the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity."
"Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done." So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian."
So in the tradition of the patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What more...
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?""No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely."Can you pay in cash?""I'm afraid I can't, Sister." "Do you have any close relatives, then?""Just my sister in New Mexico," replied, "but she's a spinster nun.""Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God.""Okay," the man said with a smile, "then bill my brother-in-law."