Christian Jokes / Recent Jokes
During our church's worship service, the pastor invites all the young children
to join him near the altar for the “Children's Moments Sermon”. One day, with seven small children in attendance, he spoke about the ingredients required to make up a church, using a chocolate-chip cookie as an example. He explained to the children that, as with a cookie requiring ingredients such as sugar and eggs, the church needed ingredients to make up the congregation. Holding a cookie aloft, he asked, “If I took the chocolate chips out of this cookie, what would I have?”A shy six-year-old raised his hand. “Six less grams of fat,” he replied.
The preacher rose with a red face. “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K. K. K. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family! ”
No one moved.
The preacher continued, ” Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression! ”
Again all was quiet.
Slowly a “drop dead” gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke.
“Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.
I never said you were a member of the Klu Klux Klan.
I told a couple of friends you were a wizard under the sheets. ”
There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's alright! The Lord will save me!"So the helicopter flew away. The water continued to rise and a boat came to him but, once again, the man shouted, "No! Go AWAY! the Lord will come and save me!" and, once again, the boat sped off.The water was getting dangerously deep by now so the helicopter came back and, on cue, the man repeated, "I don't need saving! My Lord will come"Reluctantly, the helicopter left.The rain continued to pour, the water continued to rise and the man drowned.At the gates of heaven, the man met St. Peter. Confused, he asked, "Peter, I have lived the life of a faithful man - why did my Lord not rescue me?"St. Peter replied, "For pity sake! He sent you two more...
Q: What's the dumbest thing you can do with e-mail?
A: Ask Christopher James Reincke about his message to President Clinton:
"I am curious, Bill, how you would feel about being the first president to be killed on the same day as his wife... You will die soon..."
He signed it "Overlord." Sure he sent it anonymously, but anonymous e-mail is for protecting yourself from nasty, late-night phone calls, not the Secret Service.
With help from the university, they tracked him down and arrested him. He was released without bail, pending a hearing, and faces five years in jail and up to a $250,000 fine. Don't try this at home.
(Interned World, July/August, 1994: 17)
Which of the following are true about Christopher James Reincke:
Believes that Rush Limbaugh gives a balanced report of news
Tells ugly Chelsea jokes
Member of Young Americans for Freedom and College Republicans
Believes that American has lost its moral moorings, like more...
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."St. Peter consults his list.He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."St Peter consults his list.He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.""Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?""Up here, we more...
The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears several confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like,' I see, yes, go on, and I understand, how did you feel about that?"The new priest says those things, trying them out. The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying,' No way! What happened next?'"
There was a cat and a mouse who went to heaven, and they were there at the same time. Well, the mouse approaches God's throne, and God asks him, "So, how do you like it up here?"The mouse says, "It's nice, but could I get a pair of roller skates?" God says, "Sure." So, the mouse gets his roller skates. Well, the next day, the cat approaches God's throne, and the same question is directed at him. So, he answers, "It's great! I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!"