Christian Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth.The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out."How much to eat?" asked the old man."Don't you more...

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world,I'd take it and pour it into the river."And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world I'd take it and pour it into the river."Sermon complete, he then sat down. The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song,let us sing Hymn #365: "Shall We Gather at the River".

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of sudden death. "We will all die some day," the leader of the
discussion said, "and none of us really knows when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event." Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment."What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining before your death, before your Great Judgment Day?" the leader asked the group."For those 4 weeks, I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted Jesus into their lives," one gentleman said."A very admirable thing to do," said the group leader. And all the group members agreed that would be a very good thing to do."For those 4 weeks, I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater
conviction," one lady said, more...

Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven." The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven." "What's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you're pitching on Wednesday."

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your more...

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Dont do it!" "Why shouldnt I?" he said. I said, "Well, theres so much to live for!" "Like what?" "Well. .. are you religious or atheist?" "Religious." "Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?" "Christian." "Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?" "Protestant." "Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?" "Baptist." "Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?" "Baptist Church of God." "Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?" "Reformed Baptist Church of God." "Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?" "Reformed Baptist more...