"Good News And Bad News For A Pastor" joke

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage. Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation. Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war. Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.