Voted Jokes

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current. Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30. Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position. Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied. Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team. Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your more...

I have a friend who became tired of reading the "Don't blame me, I voted for Bush" bumperstickers. This was his response.
As many of you can attest, I don't feel my day is complete unless I offend as many ultra conservative politically right wing religious zealots as I can.
Accordingly, I have attached a picture frame device to the rear window of my truck.
It holds an 8-1/2 x 11 "bumper sticker" I print out in 100-point type on my laser printer.
Here are some of the ones I've used so far that really seem to annoy our local rednecks:
Don't Blame Me... I *never* voted for Bush
Stop Subsidizing Millionaires... No More Tax Money for Pro Football!
Judaism... Good Enough for Jesus, Good Enough for Me
Jesus is OK, Falwell and Robertson are NOT
Bob Dole & Phil Gramm: The Original Whine Boys
Abortion is Not Murder, But Shooting a Doctor is
Reagan Was Wrong.. About Everything!
Florida... A Right to Work for Less more...

The Republican National Committee has voted to recognize the H1N1 virus as the French Flu.
The Democratic National Committee has voted to recognize the H1N1 virus as the Bush Flu.

Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.

Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.

Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.

Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.

Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church more...

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT Bush to be smitten later today In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court`s decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I`m not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I`m sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit." "I`ve watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida `will never be known.` Well, I`m God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let`s cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20, 219 votes." Shocking political analysts and pundits, God`s unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God`s Word for possible grounds for appeal. more...