Christmas Party Jokes

"It's so nice to have a president who can play Santa without padding" "I'm sorry, Miss. There's no' Paula Jones' on the guest list" "You make an adorable elf, Mr. Stephanopolous" "Hey, who invited Nipsey Russell?" "So what are you doing to pass the time these days, Ms. Elders?" "Stand back - Gore's gonna do a cannonball into the eggnog" "I've never seen a wreath made of French fries before" "Check it out! A bullet just shattered my punch glass!" "See if Jimmy Carter can go' negotiate' us another keg of brew!" "This party sucks - let's go to Newt's"

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important jerk, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, "Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.
After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."
"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"
"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him," said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."

Level I:
Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves, and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to sing Christmas carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree.
Level II:
Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta Be Me" while others begin rearranging your Christmas ornaments.
Level III:
Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Level IV:
Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing. more...

John woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?" "Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face." "He's an idiot," John said. "Piss on him." "You did", came the reply.
"And he fired you." "Well, screw him!" said John.
"I did. You're back at work on Monday."