Cigar Jokes / Recent Jokes

Saddam Hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.

Saddam tells his driver: "Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer of da pig what appened."

One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other.

"What appen to you?" he asks.

"Well, the farmer gave me a bottle of wine, his wife, the cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me."

"My God! What did you tell dem?" asked President Hussein.

The driver answered: "Good evening, I am Saddam Hussein's chauffeur and I have just killed the pig."

Santa was walking through Rose Garden in Chandigarh and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said Santa to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help."
So he walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishing, sir."
"Fishing, well how would you like to come have a drink with me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of Scotch, snacks and a fine cigar.
Santa felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the fourth today, sir!"

A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.

"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."

"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.

"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.

"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.

"What is that more...

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car.

The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened.

About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily.

"What happened?" asked Hillary.

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."

"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied: "I'm Hillary Clinton's driver, and I just killed the cow."

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn. "What happened to you?" asked Bill. "Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asks Clinton. The driver replies, "I'm Bill Clinton's driver, and I just killed the pig."

"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar outwhile you are in my store!""I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer." Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."

A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction to cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it, and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!" answered the doctor.
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my addiction," replied the patient.
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the more...