Clap Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.

SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by more...

Dear Employee:As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).Under the terms of the new policy, an more...

If a case of the clap spreads is it called applause?

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Folk clap when they see you... but they clap their hands over their eyes.
All day I thought of you.... I was at the zoo.
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You got a face only a mother could love... unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
Sure, I'd more...

To All Employees:-
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, it is necessary for us to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel, via retirement, by the end of the current fiscal year is effective immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Any employee who is SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for employment outside the company. SLAPPED employees may request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). Employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED have the right to file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).
Under more...

Teacher: Welcome to the Devil concert, I hope you like our Redneck song!
Students: Joy to the world- the devil is dead- we tore of his head! Don't worry about the body we flushed it down the potty- and around and around it goes, and around and around it goes, and a round- and around, and around it goes!
Clap! Clap! Clap!

Dear Employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.
Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW.
SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following more...