Clarinet Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet.Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? A: So they can park in the handicap zones.Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain? A: Gifted.Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud? A: You can almost hear them.Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder? A: You can't!

Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come?" asked Lars. "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet, she can't sing."

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

My Dad bought my Mom a piano for her birthday.
A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.
"Oh," said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."
"How come?" I asked.
"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...."

Q: How do you get two piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.

Q: What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe..

Q: What do you call an oboist who is deaf?
A: Principal.

Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but he gyrates so much he'll fall off the ladder.

Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Q: What do a clarinet and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

Q: What's the definition of a nerd?
A: Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.

Q: What do you call a bass clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted.

Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower.

Q: If you were lost in the woods, who more...

Bb CLARINET: As the flute is to the piccolo, the Bb Clarinet is to the Eb Clarinet. The only time a Bb clarinet is considered truly dangerous is in the hands of a saxophonist doubling on clarinet. His seemingly lacking ability to adjust his air to the clarinet causes a tone so forced and horrific that decorum prevents me from continuing.