Class Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the copilot to speak with the woman. The copilot went to talk with the woman, asking her to move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York, and I’m not moving. ” The copilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this. ” He went to the first class section and whispered into the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section, mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so? ” Surprised, the flight attendant and the more...

Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
Twitch a lot.
Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
Become a subgenius.
Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your
seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work
up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
Walk and talk backwards.
Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the
middle of your room. Number them.
Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your
roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than
meets the eye."
Kill roaches with a more...

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"

Proverbs as finished by a fourth grade class: It is always darkest... Just before you flunk a test. There is nothing new... under a rock. A journey of a thousand miles begins with... a private jet. A committee of three... gets things done when they are not fighting. If you can't stand the heat... try Antarctica. Better late than... absent. A rolling stone... may dent the floor. If at first you don't succeed... live with it. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry... and then blow your nose. A bird in the hand is.... better than a woodpecker on your head. Early to bed, early to rise... and you will get the best cereal. Two heads... are pretty scary. It is better to light a candle than... to light a bomb. A miss is as good as... a mister. A penny saved... is not a lot. Don't burn your bridges... or you'll fall in the lake. Haste makes... sweat

· Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon! · Teacher: Is Lapland heavily populated?
Class: No, there are not many Lapps to the mile!
Teacher: Name an animal that lives in Lapland!
Pupil: A reindeer
Teacher: Good, now name another.
Class: Another reindeer! · Teacher: That`s quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don`t know teacher. What will you give me? · Teacher: You aren`t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing?
Pupil: No, teacher I`m having trouble listening! · Teacher: What is the Great Plains?
Pupil: 747, Concorde and F-16! · &am

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, "Does anyone know what this is?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, my dad has 2 of them!"
And the teacher says, "Are you sure about that?"
And little Johnny says, "Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter's teeth."

A bunch of girls had become upset at an anthropology
professor who had a knack of offending women. They decided
the next time he did something offensive they would all
stand up and walk out of his class. Sure enough, at the very
next class meeting while discussing a tribe of African
natives, the professor leered and said, "You'll be
interested to know the average tribal warrior there has a
cock twelve inches long."
The girls all rose in a large mass and headed for the door.
The professor sneered and said, "What's your hurry, girls? The next flight to there isn't until Saturday!"