Classes Jokes / Recent Jokes

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box more...

Ok, so the other day I was watching a porno. Yes I have watched a porno or two in my lifetime. Anyway, it's a lesbian scene, I think men like those, well one of the women chose to wear a strap-on. Now I am really confused, I know it's a movie, but I had to ask one of my friends who is a practicing lesbian what she thought about this practice. She told me that some lesbians like the penis, but they just don't like what it's attached to. Are you serious? I mean, men love vaginas, but give me a break, we don't always like what they're attached to either. Then I thought, how great it would be if there were detachable vaginas. I would'nt be wasting my time right now typing this bulleting/blog, I would be playing with my vaginas. In fact, every man I know would be playing with their vaginas. We'd have vagina trading parties. Hey man, I got that Asian vagina, what you got?
Women would'nt be taking self defense classes anymore, they would be taking protect your vagina classes.
Can you more...

A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo.
The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase.
Owner: Who's that?
Master: Miaooow...
The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished.
The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes.
Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase.
Owner: Koun Hai? ( Who's that? )
Sardar: Mai Billi . ( I am the cat.)
Owner: Oh, more...

Are You About to Employ a Robot? This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB PsychologyDepartment. It is intended to be used by companies that arerecruiting on campus. With this test you can determine whether anapplicant you are interviewing is a Robot, a Vulcan/Math MAjor, or aLiberal Arts major. Tear off here, and administer test below to students
Answer Questions by circling the appropriate subjective choice.1. If stranded on a deserted island, I would want _____ 0) Shakespeare 1) Math books 2) Fluid oil2. If I could have any job, I would be a _____ 0) writer 1) professor 2) McDonald's employee3. On weekends, I go to _____ 0) The beach 1) The library 2) goto 104. My favorite hobby is _____ 0) Poetry 1) Open math problems 2) memorizing5. I have taken ______ English classes. 0) Many 1) Enough to communicate 2) fori=1to++x10goto106. What is the quickest way to solve 2X+4=2? 0) Ask a Vulcan 1) In my head 2) Brute force with Cray 2 Supercomputer7. What have you learned more...

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not far from here, a King summoned two of
his advisors for a test. He showed them both a shiny metal box with two
slots in the top, a control knob and a lever.
"What do you think it is," he asked.
One advisor, an Engineer, answered first. "It is a toaster," he said.
The King then asked, "How would you design an embedded computer for it?"
The Engineer replied, "Using a four-bit microcontroller. I would write a
simple program that reads the darkness knob and quantizes its position to
one of sixteen shades of darkness: from snow white to coal black. The
program would use that darkness level as the index to a sixteen-element
table of initial timer values. Then it would turn on the heating elements
and start the timer with the initial value selected from the table. At the
end of the timer delay it would turn off the heat and pop up the toast.
Come back next week, and I'll more...