Claws Jokes

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I
mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating
himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and
this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat,
shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad
and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen
cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy
finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that
would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws
and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets more...

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets _very_ quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then more...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and
parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year, ’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want? ’
The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother… just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong! ’
‘What’s that? ’ her mother asked.
‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! ’
Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there. ’
Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days more...

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.

Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.

Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.

Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.

Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.

Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for more...