Clean Jokes / Recent Jokes
There is always a creative (and permanent) solution to any problem:
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirrors, leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day.
To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He proceeded to take out a long-handled brush, dip it into the nearest toilet and scrub the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach and green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald's, and McDonald's brought forth the $3.20 double-cheeseburger, and Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?", and Man said, "Super size them."And Man gained pounds.And God created the healthful yogurt, that Woman might keep her figure that Man found so fair.And Satan froze the yogurt, and he brought forth chocolate, nuts and brightly colored sprinkle candy to put on the yogurt.And Woman gained pounds.And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."And Satan brought forth creamy dressings, bacon bits, and shredded cheese, and there was ice cream for dessert.And Woman gained pounds.And God said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."And Satan brought forth chicken- fried steak so big it needed its own platter.And more...
The father of 17 kids goes to the doc's with a rash on his belly. "All right" says the Doc, "drop' em and let's have a look." Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims "Yes, you've got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you've got. They're truly remarkable!".
The patient is a bit embarrassed and says "Look Doc, what about the rash?"
"Oh that's easy," said the Doc, "Here's some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask....."
"No," said the patient, "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"
"Well, " said the Doctor, " You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"
The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every more...
Six men will be dropped on an island with one van and four kids each, for six weeks. Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes. There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done: There is only one TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves either while driving or while making four lunches. They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3: 00a. m; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off based on performance.
The winner gets to go back to his job.
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say' It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say,' That hurt, you stupid idiot?'Why is it more...
LEASH:
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A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
DOG BED:
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Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.
DROOL:
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Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
SNIFF:
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A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.
GARBAGE CAN:
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A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine more...