Clerk Jokes / Recent Jokes

An attractive young woman approached the clerk at the department store's fabric counter. "I would like to purchase some of this material for a new outfit. How much does it cost?" she asked.
"Only one kiss per yard," the male clerk replied smugly.
"That's fine," she replied. "I'll take six yards."
With great expectation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the fabric, wrapped it, then held it out teasingly.
The young woman snatched the package from his hand, pointed to the little old man standing next to her, and said with a grin, "Grandpa will pay the bill."

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.
"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.
"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said:
"Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone."
The clerk called 9-1-1. She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
"I wanted someone from maintenance," she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom's right side. The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon," answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered, "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

A man walks into a shoe store.... .. and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk. "Well. .. they feel a bit tight." replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and themans feet. "Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk. Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.

When a fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."