Client Jokes / Recent Jokes
An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day of trying to get a stay of execution for a client, James Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he got through the door at home, his wife started on him. "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs to give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he more...
An accident claim for $ 100, 000. 00 came up before an high court, the defendent's lawyer got up and said " My lord, at the seane of the accident when the police officer asked the plaintiff how he is and the answer the plaintif gave in his own words were " I am alright ", now how can he claim such a colosal amount as damages from my client.
The plaintiffs lawyer got up and said " My lord let my client explain to your lordship in his own words how the accident happened" so the Judge instructed the plaintiff to narate the accident. The plaintiff said that when he was coming from his farm in his horse carriage, with his pet dog seated by his side, the vehicle driven by the defendent in high speed hit his horse carrige with such a force the carriage was thrown to a side and so were the horse, the dog and himself.
The accident was reported to the police and an officer came to investgate, the seane was in a mess and the police officer went near the horse more...
An old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asked Sam, “Did you see my client commit this burglary?”“Yes,” said Sam, “I saw him plainly take the goods.”The lawyer asks Sam again, “Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my
client commit this crime?”“Yes,” says Sam, “I saw him do it.”Then the lawyer asks Sam, “Sam, listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight is probably bad. Just how far can you see at night?”Sam says, “I can see the moon, how far is that?”
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.
Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: Justice prevailed.
The senior partner replied in haste, Appeal immediately.
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule."Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417. 58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months."What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client."Your right. It's mine."
A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm:? Justice prevailed.? The senior partner replied in haste,? Appeal immediately.?
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."