Clients Jokes / Recent Jokes

Drug Dealers
Software Developers
Refer to their clients as "users".
Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
"Download a free trial version..."
Have important Asian connections.
Have important Asian connections.
Strange jargon:
"Stick"
"Rock"
"Wrap"
"E"
"Stash"
"Drive-by"
"Hit (LSD)"
"Source"
"The Pigs"
Strange jargon:
"SCSI"
"RTFM"
"Packet"
"C"
"Cache"
"CTRL ALT DEL"
"Hit (WWW)"
"Source-code"
"Microsoft"
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Clients really like your stuff when it works. When it doesn't work they
want to kill more...

Q. What do lawyers use for birth control?
A. Their personalities.
Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
Q. What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3, 000, 000 has a chance of becoming a more...

Q. What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A. A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q. What do you have when 100 Lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A. A Doberman.
Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, They cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Q. What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A. They had pictures of more...

When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.

From 'Operating System Concepts, 3rd Edition' by A. Silbershatz, J.
Peterson, and P. Galvin: In the section introducing
"multiprogrammming," the book makes an analogy to try to make things
clearer:
[..discussion of CPU switching from job to job instead of waiting for
I/O to finish on current job...]
"This idea is quite common in other life situations. A lawyer does
not have only one client at a time. Rather, several clients may be in
the process of being served at the same time. While one case is
waiting to go to trial or to have papers typed, the lawyer can work on
another case. With enough clients, a lawyer never need be idle.
(Idle lawyers tend to become politicians, so there is a certain social
value in keeping lawyers busy.)"

Scary, isnt it! :-)
Drug dealersSoftware developers
"Stick," "Rock," "Dime bag," "E""SCSI," "RTFM," "Java," "ISDN"
"Stash""Cache"
"Hit (LSD)""Hit (WWW)"
"Source""Source code"
Refer to their clients as "users"Refer to their clients as "users"
"The first one's free!""Download a free trial version..."
Have important South-EastAsian connections (to help move the stuff)Have important South-EastAsian connections (to help debug the code)
Realize that there's tons of cash in the 14 to 25 year-old marketRealize that there's tons of cash in the 14 to 25 year-old market
Job is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more potent productJob is assisted by the industry's producing newer, more potent product
Often seen in the company of pimps and hustlersOften seen in the more...

Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.