Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes
Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! Thats not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"
They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. Ill take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, youve been replaced."
A question for Bill Clinton:"What was Miss Lewinsky's most memorable feature?" "She has the whitest teeth I've ever come across"
Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a more...
Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Once there he meets Satan.
Satan: Well, Bill since you were such an important person on the earth, you get the choose how you spend your miserable eternity here
Bill: Well what are my choices?
They walk down a hot, steamy hallway and Satan open a door. Inside the room is Bill Gates hanging by chains from the ceiling in a vat of fire.
His eternal suffering is to burn and burn and burn.
Bill: Wow! I don't think I like that one very much. What else is there?
Satan closes the door and leads the ex-President to the next. Inside that door Ross Perot is on a rack, eternally being torn to pieces, his flesh tearing and tearing over and over again.
Bill: Ouch! Nope. I'm not real pleased with that one either
Satan: OK. Maybe You;ll like this one over here.
The Lord of Hell opens a third door on the other side of the hall.
Within they see Kenneth Starr chained to a wall. He is naked and receiving oral sex from Monika more...
Q: How many Bill Clintons does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None--He'll only promise "change."
Q: How did we know long before the Haiti invasion that Clinton was planning to go to war?
A: He visited Oxford.
Bob Kerrey, when asked about Bill Clinton dodging the draft: "Do I care if he evaded the draft? Well, a part of me does." [Mr. Kerrey lost a leg in Vietnam]