Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit afortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news."Theres no easy way to say this, so Ill just be blunt: Prepareyourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent andhorrible death this year."Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the womans lined face, then atthe single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took afew deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. Shemet the fortune tellers gaze, steadied her voice, and asked herquestion:"Will I be acquitted?"

There are three high school -aged boys walking down the street in Washington,
D.C. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he is about to be hit by
a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life.
Bill says, "Thank you for saving my life. I will grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown." Bill pulls some strings and
gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says, "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a
Congressional appointment." Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and
gets the boy his appointment.
The third boy says, "I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery."
Bill says, "That is an odd request for a 17-year-old!"
The boy says, "Yes, but when my father finds out I saved your life he is going
to kill me!"

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind.
Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news... there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."
Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important more...

A pilot and his four passengers were on an airplane that was about to crash. The four passengers were Michael Jordan, Bill Clinton, a hippie, and old man. Unfortunately, there were only four parachutes on the plane.
The pilot yelled, "I'm the pilot!" and jumped off with one of the parachutes.
Michael Jordan said, "I'm the world's greatest athlete!" and jumped off with another parachute.
Bill Clinton said, "I am the world's smartest man!" and jumped out of the plane. This left the hippie and the old man alone in the rapidly-descending airplane.
"I'm old," said the old man, "so you can have the last parachute."
"Nah, that's okay, man," the hippie said. "The world's smartest man just jumped out with my backpack."

Both Clinton and the Pope die, but there is a mix up. Clinton went to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to process the paperwork and make the switch.
The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Clinton: No problem.
Pope: I'm really excited about going to heaven.
Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
Clinton: You're a day late.

While visiting the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Rather than just an hour as scheduled, the meeting lasted for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to meet with the media.
Smiling, he announced that the summit was a great success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed and that he was now going home to the White House to be with his family.
The Pope then came out to make his statement. He appeared tired, very discouraged and close to tears. Sadly, he announced his meeting with the President was a failure. Confused, one reported asked, "But, your Holiness, the President just announced the summit was quite a success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed."
Frustrated, the Pope replied, "Yes, but we were discussing the Ten Commandments!"

One day, Bill Clinton, Rush Limbaugh and Al Gore decided to walk to the Wizard of Oz's castle in Emerald City. When they got there, the Wizard asked them what they wanted the most. Limbaugh asked for a heart, Gore asked for a brain, and Clinton asked for Dorothy.