Clock Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore.
So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock".
Of course, she innocently agreed. She walked into the office, and looked around. "Where's the clock sir?", she asked.
Suddenly, the president stood up and dropped his pants. "That's not a clock Mr. Clinton !", she exclaimed.
"It will be", he replied, "Once you put two hands and a face on it !".
Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore.
So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock". Of course, she innocently agreed. She walked into the office, and looked around. "Where's the clock sir?", she asked.
Suddenly, the president stood up and dropped his pants. "That's not a clock Mr. Clinton !", she exclaimed.
"It will be", he replied, "Once you put two hands and a face on it !".
Bill Clinton made up a list of things he can say to his secretaries so they will know what he really wants, but everyone else will ignore.So one day, he hires a new secretary, and then calls her over the intercom. "Hello Ms., could you please come in here and fix my clock". Of course, she innocently agreed. She walked into the office, and looked around. "Where's the clock sir?", she asked.Suddenly, the president stood up and dropped his pants. "That's not a clock Mr. Clinton !", she exclaimed."It will be", he replied, "Once you put two hands and a face on it !".
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they come to a HUGE room full of clocks. The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?" St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to the Gates to be judged." The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. He asks why is that? St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds his clock." This also makes sense, so the guy takes one last look around the room before leaving and notices one clock more...
Just after this guy gets married, he was invited out for a night with "the boys." He accepts and then tells his new bride not to worry, because he'd "be home by midnight... promise!"
Well, the darts were landing just right and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a. m. drunk as can be the guy finally stumbles home. Just as he gets in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed three times. Quickly he realized she'd probably been woken up by the clock, so he cuckooed another nine times to make her think it was midnight. He was really proud of himself, having the quick wits, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
Next morning the missus asked him what time he got in and he tells her, "12 o'clock, dear!" Whew! Got away with that one! "Hmmm, I think we need a new cuckoo clock," she says over her morning coffee. "Why is that?" the husband asks.
"Well, it cuckooed three times, more...
USA: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your children are?"Italy: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?"France: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your wife is?"Poland: "It's ten o'clock. Do you know what time it is?"
An American couple, vacationing with some friends in Mexico, were shopping at the market for some souvenirs. Time passed, and they realized that neither of them was wearing a watch. They noticed a little Mexican man taking a siesta next to a mule, which happened to have the largest set of mule nuts they had ever seen.
Doing their best to avoid staring at the enormous mule nuts, they asked the little Mexican man if he could tell them what the time was.
The little Mexican man reached his hand under the huge set of mule balls and, lifting them high, said, "It's 3 o'clock."
Amazed by this, the American couple ran off to find their friends to tell them what they had just witnessed. "You aren't going to believe this," they told their friends, "but, there's a little Mexican man over there who can tell the time by lifting his mule's balls!"
Curious, although somewhat skeptical, the friends wanted to see this first-hand, so they went back and asked more...