Clock Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wife: Dear, this afternoon the big clock fell off the wall. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head and badly hurt.

Husband: Oh, my God! That clock has always been slow.

After his death, the family court judge found herself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different occupation. After examining all the clocks, the judge turned to the devil and said, "I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?"

"They turn at the rate at which the members of that occupation collectively sin on earth," replied the devil.

"What's your second question?"

"Well," said the judge. "I can't seem to find my occupation. Where is the' family court judges' clock?"

The devil momentarily looked confused, and he started checking the clocks. "They should all be here," he muttered, looking frantically, "It has to be here somewhere... Oh, there will be Hell to pay for this."

Suddenly, the devil relaxed, slapped himself on the forehead, and more...

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P.M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to gather her luggage together.
At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can stop her, she announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"

There was an expectant father who had spent quite
some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place. As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tell his f-i-law when my son comes, do not call up in office and tell that I have become a father of a boy, etc. otherwise I'll have to shell out a lot for parties etc. Tell me that the clock has arrived. The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The f-i-l now
thinks - if I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over. So he sends the message - " The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting.
Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P.M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.
At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"

There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place.
As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law: "When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy, etc. otherwise I'll have to shell out a lot for parties etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby."
The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks: "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over."
So he sends the message: " The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".

A mother-in-law visits her son-in-law before leaving for a trip. They are sipping coffee and chatting.Suddenly, mother-in-law looks at the clock and jumps off her chair exclaiming, "My god! It's already three P.M. I'm about to miss my train!" She begins to put her clothes on in a hurry.At this moment, the son-in-law's daughter runs up to her and before he can do anything and announces, "Don't hurry, granny! Daddy moved the clock two hours ahead!"