Closed Jokes / Recent Jokes
•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
•WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
•WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...
This isn't mine, I heard it on the radio this morning.
Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks
down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to
use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts
talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another
and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes
its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you
got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds
to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed.
"Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they
were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this
great looking chick there and we had a few drinks more...
The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!"
An elderly gentlemen had been living with his spinster daughter for some years. One day, upon returning home he heard an unusual whirring noise. Wandering around the first floor, he noticed that the noise seemed to be coming from somewhere upstairs.
He proceeded up the stairs to investigate. Walking around, he realized that the noise increased as he neared his daughters closed bedroom door. Whereupon he quickly open the door to make sure that everything was alright.
He was astonished by the sight of his daughter, stretched out naked on her bed with a vibrator violently shaking in her hand.
"Sylvie! What in tarnation is goin' on?" He shouted!
Sylvie, without hesitation replied: "Daddy, I have needs! Isn't it obvious? I know that I'm not going to find anybody to marry, so please leave me alone, and shut the door on your way out."
Somewhat chagrined, he retreated, and closed the door as he exited.
Not too many days later, his daughter returned more...
Unusual Case by William A. Morton, Jr, MDFrom "Medical Aspects Of Human Sexuality" July, 1991 p. 15Scrotum Self-RepairOne morning, I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles." The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and had little to say as he gingerly opened his trousers to expose a bit of angry red skin and black-and-blue scrotal skin. After I asked the nurse to leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum, which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender. A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left scrotum. Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw some half-buried dark linear objects and asked the more...