Closer Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of more...

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are
seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under
way.
The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin
walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind.
The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as
he stumbles down the aisle, and the copilot is using a guide dog. Both have
their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.
At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of
practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start revving and
the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among
themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as more...

Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther? Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...
Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do?
Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!

One morning, two priests head for the showers. It isn't until they're undressed and in the showers, that they realize they didn't bring any soap. Father George decides he'll run back for the soap. Rather than taking the time to get dressed, he peaks out into the hallway, sees there's no one around, and decides to make a run for it.
He grabs the two bars of soap, checks the hall before heading back to the showers, sees it's all clear and makes a run for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking toward him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he's a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most life-like statue you've ever seen?" She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's pecker. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
"Oh Heavens," she exclaims, "I more...

Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther? Boy #2: That's nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling...coming closer...closer...Boy #1: Gosh! What'd she do? Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.
He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.
He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"