Closer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kanjibhai is talking to the family doctor.
"Doc, I think my wife Rupaben going deaf."
The doctor answers, "Well, here's something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn't answer, move a little closer and ask again.
Keep repeating this until she answers.
Then you'll be able to tell just how hard of hearing she really is."
Kanjibhai goes home and tries it out. He walks in the door and says,
"Muna ni Ba, what's for dinner?"
He doesn't hear an answer, so he moves closer to her.
"Eh are you listening, what's for dinner?"
Still no answer.
He repeats this several times, until he's standing just a few feet away from her.
Finally, Rupaben answers,
"For the eleventh time, I said we're having THEPLA!"

An orthodox rabbi is studying in his living room, when there is a knock on the door. When he opens the door, it is a policeman, who informs him that the rivers are rising, a flood is expected, and evacuation is recommended.
The rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger."
The policeman shrugs his shoulders and leaves.
As the rabbi is watching the rising water getting closer and closer to his house, there is a second knock, this time a State Trooper.
The trooper says, "Rabbi, we are evacuating the area as the flood is getting serious and you are in jeopardy."
Again the rabbi explains, "I am a man of God. I am sure he will protect me from danger. I am staying."
Well, the water continues to rise, until the rabbi is forced to stay on the second floor.
He hears some yelling and looks up to see two firemen in a rowboat right outside his second floor window. "Rabbi!" one of the more...

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years.

One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft."

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says.

She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to more...

I was attending an outdoor music concert with a young woman I'd recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..."

Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our friendship?"

Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage."

Roscoe and his friend went moose hunting every year without success.

Finally, they came up with what they hoped was a foolproof plan. They acquired a very authentic moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then jump out of the costume and shoot the bull.

Setting themselves upon the edge of a clearing in their costume, they began to give the moose "call o'love". Before too long their call was answered by a bull moose some distance away. They called again, and the bull answered from somewhere closer. Again they called, and again the bull answered. Soon he came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

As the bull's pounding hoofbeats got closer, the friend in the front said, "O.K.! Lets get out and shoot him!"

After a moment that seemed like an eternity Roscoe who's in the rear half of the costume shouted, "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK! WHAT ARE WE more...

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table.
This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog.
Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.
However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player.
Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"
The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. "Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.""Well," the doctor replied, "go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say something to her. If she doesn't reply move about 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this so that we'll get an idea about the severity of her deafness."Sure enough, the husband goes home and does exactly as instructed. He starts off about 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she is chopping some vegetables and says, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He hears no response. He moves about 5 feet closer and asks again. No reply. He moves 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He gets fed up and moves right behind her, about an inch away, and asks again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"She replies, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"