Closet Jokes / Recent Jokes
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over,
she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears
a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man
replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist
continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the
position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to
protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she
hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet
with her little boy. "It's dark more...
A bored housewife in suburbia is entertaining her lover in bed one day as, unknown to them, her nine-year-old son is taking it all in from her bedroom closet. As luck would have it, the husband arrives home unexpectedly from the office and the surprised wife shoves her lover into the closet.
Son says to lover, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it?"
After jumping out of his skin and crawling back in, the lover replied that it was.
"Would you like to buy a flashlight?" asks the boy. The lover said he didn't think so.
"Sure would be bad if dad found out about this," observed the boy. The lover enquired as to how much the boy wanted for the flashlight and agreed to pay the $25.00 price.
Two weeks later, same housewife, same lover, same boy in the closet when husband again arrives home unexpectedly. Wife shoves lover into closet and son says, "Sure is dark in here, isn't it? Would you like to buy a fishing rod?"
The lover agrees to more...
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
pissed I can't even see straight!"
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another
ONE!"
The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give
you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY
you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale:
"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar. I
thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know,
it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of
minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the
blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was more...
When a blonde man arrived home from work early, he heard strange noises coming from the bedroom.
Rushing upstairs, he found his wife laying on the bed naked, panting and sweating. "What's wrong, honey?" he asked.
"I think I'm having a heart attack," she cried.
He ran downstairs, grabbed the phone and just as he was beginning to dial, his four year old son ran up to him and exclaimed, "Daddy! Uncle Ted is upstairs hiding in your closet and he has no clothes on!"
The man dropped the phoned, stormed back upstairs, ran right past his screaming wife and pulled the closet door open.
Just as his son had said, there was his brother cowering in the corner, totally naked.
"You lousy bastard!" screamed the husband. "My wife is having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every time a bus was passing by
So she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"
Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"
A blonde man comes home from work and hears moaning and screaming from the bedroom. So he goes upstairs and finds his wife lying on the bed naked, sweaty, and panting. He asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm having a heartattack" so he runs downstairs to call 911 when one of his little kids comes to him and says, "daddy, daddy uncle bob's hiding in the closet naked." The furious blonde man goes back upstairs and sure enough he finds his naked brother in the closet and says to him, "you son-of-a-bitch, my wife's having a heartattack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!"
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. The 1988 Hide-and-Go-Seek World Champion.