Closet Jokes / Recent Jokes
A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed off I can't even see straight!" The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.
The man swilled down the drink and demanded, "Gimme another ONE!" The bartender pours the drink, but said, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale: "Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can't make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door."
"Well, the woman says,' Oh my god, more...
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A. The 1988 Hide-and-Go-Seek World Champion.
THE LIFE OF A COMPUTER ANALYST (Long but VERY Funny!) Monday ------ 8: 05am User called to say they forgot password. Told them to use password retrieval utility called FDISK. Blissfully ignorant, they thank me and hang up. God, we let these people vote and drive, too? 8: 12am Accounting called to say they couldn't access expense reports database. Gave them Standard Sys Admin Answer #112, "Well, it works for me." Let them rant and rave while I unplugged my coffeemaker from the UPS and plugged their server back in. Suggested they try it again. One more happy customer... 8: 14 am User from 8: 05 call said they received error message "Error accessing Drive 0." Told them it was an OS problem. Transferred them to microsupport. 11: 00 am Relatively quiet for last few hours. Decide to plug support phone back in so I can call my girlfriend. Says parents are coming into town this weekend. Put her on hold and transferred her to janitorial closet down in basement. What is she more...
One day a good Jewish couple were lamenting over their teenage son wondering what would become of him in life.
Finally the father came up with an idea. On the credenza in the dining room, he would place a $20.00 bill, a copy of the Old Testament and a double shot of whiskey.
Then he and his wife would hide in the closet when their son came home and watch to see what item he would select. If he took the $20.00 he would be a frugal and successful businessman.
If he took the Old Testament he would be a respected Rabbi.
And if he selected the whiskey he'd end up a no-good stinking drunk bum - but at least they'd know.
When all the items were layed out on the credenza the couple hid in a nearby closet. Not long after the teenage son arrived home and walked into the dining room.
After looking over the items layed out before him he picked up the $20.00 and stuffed in his pocket. He then picked up the Old Testament and placed in under his arm. Finally he picked up the more...
A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's the matter?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
"You rotten scum," says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids."
Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him.
Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"
But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"