Closet Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
Rumors have been circulating regarding what the troopers were shouting after they found the man hiding Elian Gonzalez in a closet during the raid of the house that was illegally holding him.Some people claim they were shouting,"Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" Others claim it was "Score! Score! Score!"But the real truth is, when the trooper ripped open the closet door and was brought face to face with the fisherman holding Elian, he shouted, "Drop the chalupa!"
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says,' It sure is dark in here, isn't it?
'Yes it is,' the man replies.
'You wanna buy a baseball?' the little boy asks.
'No thanks,' the man replies.
'I think you do want to buy a baseball,' the little boy says firmly.
The man considers the position he is in for a moment.' Uh, I see. You're right, I do want to buy the ball. How much?'
Twenty-five dollars,' the little extortionist replies.
'TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!' the man repeats incredulously, but then shakes his head and complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places him in the closet with her more...
Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course. Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down - torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?"
Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A. Nice tits!
Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's the difference between a muff-dive and a speed-trap?
A. With a muff-dive you always have a clear view of the cunt!!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers
A. You can only fit one cunt in a pair of knickers.
Q. What did Yul Brynner say to Freddy Mercury in heaven?
A. So the fags got you too! !
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a more...
on day santa clause, the toothfaire, and the easter bunny walked up to ahotel to rent a room. the lady at the counter said the only room they had left was the honted house room, and santa clause says "any room will do thank you" and when they got to the room santa clause went to the bathroom while the toothfarie and the easter bunny put there bags up well when they started to open the closet door the closet said "im the ghoust from beanie whenie you open this closet ill chop off your whenie.well when santa clause came out of the bathroom he seen the bags lieing and the floor and went to put them in the closet well when he went to open the closet it said"im the ghoust from beanie whenie you open that closet ill chop off your whenie" santa clause said" im the ghoust from christmas pass you come out that closet ill kick your ass.
Women especially love a bargain. The question of' need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a more...