Clothes Jokes / Recent Jokes

What kind of clothes are there? women: clean & dirtyMen: Clean, almost clean, sorta clean, not bad, dirty, really dirty, nasty, biohazzard.(Men will voluntarily wear all but the last classification ofthese clothes).

It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
''Hello?'' says a little girl's voice.
''Hi, honey, it's Daddy,'' says Bob.' 'Is Mommy near the phone?''
''No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.'' After a brief pause, Bob says,' 'But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!''
''Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!''
''Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house.''
''Okay, Daddy!'' A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone.' 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.''
''And what happened?''
''Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, more...

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde lady comes in and wants to bet $10, 000 on a single roll of the dice. And she adds, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I m completely nude."

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while yelling, "Mama needs new clothes." Then she yells, "YES, YES, YES!! I WON, I WON, I WON."

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb.

Because I'm a Guy...

. .. I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it, though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.

. .. when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call a road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.

. .. when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.

. .. I can be relied upon to purchase more...

We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses,
frisbees and the PILL.
We were before radar, credit cards, split atoms, lazer beams, and ball-point pens. Before pantyhose,
dishwashers, clothes dryers, electric blankets, air conditioners, drip-dry clothes--and before man
walked on the moon.
We got married first--and then lived together. How quaint can you be?
In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out of". Bunnies were small rabbits and
rabbits were not Volkswagons. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeanne; and having a
meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We thought fast food was what you ate
during Lent; and Outer Space was the back of the Riviera Theatre.
We were before house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers, and computer marriages. We
were before day-care centers, group therapy and nursing homes. We more...

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

New York State A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.