Clothing Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church. ”
On a Maine shop: “Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship. ”
At a number of military bases: “Restricted to unauthorized personnel. ”
On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs. ”
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. ”
In a funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan. ”
In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks. ”
In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store: “15 men’s wool suits, $10. They won’t last an hour! ”
On a shopping mall marquee: “Archery Tournament-Ears pierced”
There was an elderly couple that was on their way for a 2 week vacation on a carribean cruise. The wife, unfortunately, forgot her hearing aides at home...
Upon arriving to the cabin that was to be theirs during the trip, they noticed that it had 2 bunk beds. So, as they were retiring for the first nite, the husband says to his wife, "Up, or down?". The wife inexplicably removes all her clothing and makes love to her husband all nite long.
The next nite, the husband wonders if he'll get lucky again... So, he says to his wife, "Up, or down?" She again removes all her clothing and makes love to him all nite long.
This continues for 2 glorious weeks.
When they arrive home from their trip, the wife retrieves her hearing aides. As they retire for the first nite home, the husband decides to try the magic words again... "Up, or down?" His wife says, "What?". To which he replies, "During the whole trip, more...
If you can't go down on them, you're not a good partner. If you can go down on them, they are jeolous that someone taught you how. If they pay for dinner, you are using them. If you pay for dinner, you are trying to embarrass them. If you make less money than them, you have to do all of the housework. If you make more money than them, you are a ball-breaker and still have to do all of the housework. If they want sex, they won't let you sleep. If you want sex, they won't wake up. If you choose an article of clothing that they don't like, you don't care about their taste. If you ask them for help in choosing an article of clothing they do like, they tell you to dress however you want. If you are polite and friendly to their friends, they want to know why you are coming on to their friends. If you are distant and reserved to their friends, they want to know why you don't like their friends.
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
If you can't go down on them, you're not a good partner.If you can go down on them, they are jeolous that someone taught you how.If they pay for dinner, you are using them.If you pay for dinner, you are trying to embarrass them.If you make less money than them, you have to do all of the housework.If you make more money than them, you are a ball-breaker and still have to do all of the housework.If they want sex, they won't let you sleep.If you want sex, they won't wake up.If you choose an article of clothing that they don't like, you don't care about their taste. If you ask them for help in choosing an article of clothing they do like, they tell you to dress however you want.If you are polite and friendly to their friends, they want to know why you are coming on to their friends.If you are distant and reserved to their friends, they want to know why you don't like their friends.
Sam & Jesus [PUN WARNING]
Many many years ago in the town of Jerusalem lived a very nice Jewish man, named Sam, with his wife and children. Times were hard, and this gentleman had to work very long hours daily as a laborer to house and feed his family. But his real love was sewing. Although he put in long hours at his job, he would often stay up half the night designing and making clothes. His dream was to some day have a shop of his own where he could outfit everyone.
One evening, as he sat sewing by lamp light, he heard a commotion outside. When he went to look, he saw all his neighbors going to an area of raised field, so he tagged along. There was an enormous crowd, and up on the hill he saw a tall bearded man preaching. Sam was intrigued by this man, a very eloquent speaker, the crowd was so quiet. But, thought Sam, this man looked dusty, dirty, poorly dressed, and tired. So after the sermon, Sam managed to go speak to this man. Sam told him he was great more...