Cloud Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of more...

Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I'm really confused on this one. It's a tough decision; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95 among other indiscretions. I believe I'll do something I've never done before; I'll let you decide where you want to go."Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, "Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?" Looking slightly puzzled, God said, "Better yet, why don't I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?"Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, "I think I'll try Hell first." So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill more...

An Indian enters a trading post and asks the clerk for some toilet paper. The clerk asks him which one he would like, Charmin, White Cloud or no name.
"White Cloud sounds like good Indian toilet paper," the Indian says. "How much for that one?"
"$1.25 for a roll," replies the clerk.
"That seems quite expensive," the Indian responds. "How much are the other two?"
"Charmin is $2.00 a roll and no name is 75 cents a roll," the clerk says.
Since he doesn't have very much money, the Indian opts for the no name paper. Within a few hours he returns to the trading post.
"I have a name for the no name toilet paper," he announces to the clerk. "We shall call it John Wayne."
Confused, the clerk asks, "Why?"
"Because it's rough and it's tough and it don't take no shit off an Indian!"

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.
He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye.
"Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot.
"Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.
Unable more...

A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As any of us would do, he climbed the ladder.He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a rather plump and homely looking woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye."Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on. On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was really hot."Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered. As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this was getting better the further he went. On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, everything he could want. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she flirted.Unable to imagine what more...

A cowboy is out riding the range when he suddenly gets ambushed by a group of Indians. They take him back to their village where he goes before the Chief. The Chief looks at him and says, "You, white man, will die at sundown, but Chief is not as evil as white man, so you gettum three wishes. What is your first wish?"
Looking around, the cowboy gives it some deep thought, then says, "Can I talk to my horse, O' Great Chief?"
The Chief is puzzled by the request but says, "Sure, white man, talk to your horse."
The cowboy goes to his horse, whispers in its ear and the horse gallops off in a cloud of dust. The Indians sit around and laugh at the cowboy for wasting his wish but, all of a sudden, the horse returns with a brunette riding upon its back. The Indians look amazed. The Chief grins and points to a secluded teepee. Embarrassed, the cowboy takes the brunette into the teepee.
An hour later, he comes out and says to the Chief, "Can I more...

A monsoon is a French gentleman.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.
Water vapor gets together in a big cloud. When it gets big enough to be called a drop, it does.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming down. Rain is saved up in cloud banks.
Someday we might discover magnets that can point in any direction.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don't, why you should.
There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the earth because so many people are stomping around there these days.
The word "trousers" is an more...