Clue Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This recently discovered folio edition of "Hamlet" follows other known
    versions closely until Act V, Scene II, where it begins to diverge at
    line 232, as will be seen:
    KING...'Now the king drinks to Hamlet.' Come, begin,
    And you the judges, bear a wary eye
    Trumpets sound. HAMLET and LAERTES take their stations
    HAMLET: Come on, sir.
    LAERTES: Come, my lord.
    Enter FRED, DAPHNE, VELMA, SHAGGY, AND SCOOBY
    DAPHNE: Wait!
    SHAGGY: Stop the fight!
    HAMLET and LAERTES put up their foils
    KING: I like this not. Say wherefore you do speak?
    FRED: Good lord, I pray thee, let thy anger wait.
    For we, in seeking clues, have found the truth
    Behind the strange events of latter days.
    VELMA: The first clue came from Elsinore's high walls,
    Where, so said Hamlet, Hamlet's ghost did walk.
    Yet though the elder Hamlet met his death,
    And perforce hath been buried in the ground,
    'Tis yet true one would not expect a more...

    There was a teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals.
    She showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, "It has a long neck." One kid answered, "Giraffe!"
    Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra.
    Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue. "This animal has stripes." "Zebra!" one kid answered.
    So she put up another one, that of a deer.
    The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them "what does your mother call your father?"
    Suddenly one child got up and answered "HORNY BASTARD!"

    For years I badgered my mother with questions about whether Santa
    Claus is a real person or not. Her answer was always "Well, you asked
    for the presents and they came, didn't they?" I finally understood the
    full meaning of her reply when I heard the definition of a virtual
    device: "A software or hardware entity which responds to commands in a
    manner indistinguishable from the real device." Mother was telling me
    that Santa Claus is a virtual person (simulated by loving parents) who
    responds to requests from children in a manner indistinguishable from the
    real saint.
    Mother also taught the IF... THEN... ELSE structure: "If it's
    snowing, then put your boots on before you go to school; otherwise just
    wear your shoes."
    Mother explained the difference between batch and transaction processing:
    "We'll wash the white clothes when we get enough of them to make a load, but
    we'll wash these socks out right more...

    Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn’t buy a kitten and
    parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl.
    ‘You’re getting your Christmas present a week early this year, ’ her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. ‘Is that what you want? ’
    The little girl said, ‘It’s wonderful, mother… just what I wanted. There’s just one thing wrong! ’
    ‘What’s that? ’ her mother asked.
    ‘Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! ’
    Her mother smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning you’ll find the claws are there. ’
    Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worried about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days more...

    Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldnt buy a kitten and parcel it up for Christmas Day, so she bought it a week before Christmas and gave it to the little girl. Youre getting your Christmas present a week early this year, her mother explained as she handed over the fluffy little tabby kitten. Is that what you want? The little girl said, Its wonderful, mother... just what I wanted. Theres just one thing wrong! Whats that? her mother asked. Well, it has a cute little claw on the outside of every paw and another little claw on the inside of every paw - but the poor little thing has no claws at all in the middle of its paws! Her mother smiled. Dont worry, Kitty. When you wake up on Christmas morning youll find the claws are there. Now Kitty loved her kitten dearly, but she worrie d about the claws in the middle of its paws. The days passed and there wasnt even a hint, a clue or an inkling of claws in the middle of its paws. When more...

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