Co-worker Jokes / Recent Jokes
A woman wasn't feeling well, so she asked a co-worker if she could recommend a doctor.
"I know a very good doctor, but he is quite expensive. He charges $350 for the first visit, and $150 for each subsequent visit, but he really is quite good," replied the co-worker.
The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to pull a fast one and save herself some money, she cheerfully announced, "I'm back!"
Not fooled for a moment, the doctor gave her a quick exam and said, "Very good; now just continue the treatment I prescribed for you on your last visit."
I know for a fact that the following examples of idiocy are true, because I myself was witness to their occurance.
In 1989, I was working in a state office in Kansas. It was right after the 1988 George Bush Presidential campaign.
Well, one day we had been talking about pork rinds (if you'll remember, George Bush was a great fan of the greasy snack food at the time), and our supervisor brought in a big bag.
My deskmate was chowing into them like there was no tomorrow. I said, "Gee, I guess you really like Bush's favorite snack!"
She responded, "Bush who?"
I said, "*George* Bush, Gina!"
She said, "Who's he? Does he work here?" (rolling eyes) Of course, George Bush was the President of the United States by this time...
Same office, a few months later.
There was an article in the newspaper during the summer of 1989 decrying the fact that United States high school seniors had a very poor knowledge of geography. more...
A very plain nurse was telling a voluptuous co-worker about the sailor who was a patient in Ward Ten. "He's tattooed," she confided (and her voice dropped low), "in a very intimate place!"
"You mean-" gasped the beautiful nurse.
"Yes! Isn't that odd? There's actually a word tattooed there. The word' swan.'"
"This I've got to see," exclaimed the voluptuous one, and she hurried off to Ward Ten. Half an hour later, she returned. "You were right," she said, "he is tattooed there. But you were wrong about the word. It's' Saskatchewan'!"
Sighting #1:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.
Sighting #2:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #3:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it more...
Sighting #1:I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.Sighting #2:I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."Sighting #3:The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when he asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people more...
10. Day one: Start an official sounding rumor about your boss being considered for a big promotion. Day two: Spread a rumor that the promotion involves your boss heading up a new facility in Bosnia.
9. Whenever a co-worker asks if you want coffee, say, "No thanks, it doesn't mix well with thorazine."
8. Attach 10 or so bottles of white-out to the inside of your suit jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker, surreptitiously open your jacket and whisper, "I got white-out here; three bucks a pop; good quality stuff; who needs white-out?"
7. Bring several large mason jars to work and fill them part way with water and yellow food coloring; display them conspicuously around your work space. Tell anyone who asks about them that you are just taking part in an efficiency study that your boss came up with to cut down on the time employees spend away from their desks.
6. Tell your boss that you intend to spread out your vacation time by taking off one more...
When two (ore more) people are working a desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!
Put a peice of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.
It is allways a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. “f*ck” or so will do nicely. They’ll never notice and send it out.
Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're not using your phone. Also, when there is no service more...