Co-worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sighting #1: I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said,' Sure.' The next thing I hear is,' Hey, where do you put the coffee?' I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is unsuccessfully trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

Sighting #2: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked,' Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' I said,' If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled and nodded knowingly,' That's why we ask.'

Sighting #3: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. more...

I urgently needed a few days
off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought
that maybe if I acted crazy enough then he would tell me to take a few
days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the
ceiling & made funny noises. My co-worker (who`s blonde) asked me
what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb,
"... so, that the boss will think I`m overworked and going nuts and
give me a few days off."

A few minutes later the Boss
came into the office, saw me hanging from the ceiling and asked,
"What in the name of good GOD are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You`re
crazy! I can`t have you hanging around here like that. You`re
stressed out. Go on, go home and get some rest for a couple of
days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office. My co-worker (the
blonde) followed more...

We should all be on the look out for people in our Company who do things like
this.



Sightings of the Stupid ---
Sighting #1:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my
roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The
next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to
see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is
(unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging
the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both
covered with water.
Sighting #2:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport
employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I
know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #3:
The stoplight more...

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer.
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

1. Using the conferencing feature of your office phone, dial one individual, then while it's ringing dial another and conference them together. Put your own phone on mute and listen to see how long they'll make small talk before figuring out that neither one placed the call.

2. Microsoft Word has an AutoCorrect spelling function in its latest version. This function automatically corrects spelling mistakes as you type. The wonderful part of it is that you can add words to the AutoCorrect dictionary... including words that do not exist. If your co-worker leaves his computer unsecured, you're home free. For example, you could set it up so that the boss's first name, Bob, is AutoCorrected to Boob whenever the Individual types it. Or set paradigm to AutoCorrect to "puredumb." If you're good, you can get your co-worker disciplined for sexual harassment plus any number of diversity-related violations.

3. Get a greeting card that plays an insidious tune. Wrap more...

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he’s curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings. ”
“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring, ” he replies sheepishly.
“Well, I’m curious, ” begged the man, “how long have you been wearing an earring? ”
“Ehr, ever since my wife found it in our bed. ”

I know for a fact that the following examples of idiocy are true, because I myself was witness to their occurance.
In 1989, I was working in a state office in Kansas. It was right after the 1988 George Bush Presidential campaign.
Well, one day we had been talking about pork rinds (if you'll remember, George Bush was a great fan of the greasy snack food at the time), and our supervisor brought in a big bag.
My deskmate was chowing into them like there was no tomorrow. I said, "Gee, I guess you really like Bush's favorite snack!"
She responded, "Bush who?"
I said, "*George* Bush, Gina!"
She said, "Who's he? Does he work here?" (rolling eyes) Of course, George Bush was the President of the United States by this time...
Same office, a few months later.
There was an article in the newspaper during the summer of 1989 decrying the fact that United States high school seniors had a very poor knowledge of geography. I was more...