Coats Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee, preparing to start their game at 7 a. m. Just as the first was half way up his backswing, a good looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went until she was totally naked. As she disappeared into the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, "What was that about?!!!" "Take no notice. Just get on with the game," replied the other. Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then noticed four men in white coats running across the course on a similar track to the young lady. "What......?!?" "Look. Just get on with the game," said the second. "We don't have all day, and you know the course closes at 9 p. m.," the second says with a chuckle. For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be distracted by another man in a white coat running across the fairway, lugging two more...
There was a blonde woman, who was tired of being looked upon as stupid, so she tried to do something signifigant while her husband was out. So, the blonde decided to paint her living room and she said "I show them that blondes can paint, too"
However, when her husband came home he was bewildered to find his wife laying on the floor with three coats on and sweating.
When the husdand asked what the wife was doing, she got and proclaimed "I tried to paint the living room, but the instructions said I needed to apply three coats".
What is a cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. They whine when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a dog? Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They are great at begging. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. more...
Why do bears have fur coats? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!
Why do bears have fur coats? Because theyd look stupid in anoraks!
60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats.
Chicago people sunbathe.50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Chicago people plant gardens.40 above - Italian cars won't start.
Chicago people drive with the windows down.32 above - Distilled water freezes.
Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico.
Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.20 below - People in Miami cease to exist.
Chicago people get out their winter coats.40 below - Hollywood disintegrates.
Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica.
Chicago's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold more...