Cocaine Jokes / Recent Jokes

Women's Lifestyles Through the Ages
AGE... DRINK
17... Winecoolers
25... White wine
35... Red wine
48... Dom Perignon
66... Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17... Need to wash my hair
25... Need to wash and condition my hair
35... Need to color my hair
48... Need to have Francois color my hair
66... Need to have Francois color my wig
FAVORITE SPORT
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
FAVORITE DRUG
17... shopping
25... shopping
35... shopping
48... shopping
66... shopping
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17... "Burger King"
25... "Free meal"
35... "A diamond"
48... "A bigger diamond"
66... "Home Alone"
FAVORITE FANTASY
17... tall, dark and handsome
25... tall, dark and handsome with money
35... tall, dark and handsome with money and a more...

Hoping to take advantage of Rhode Island's floundering economy, owners of the Foxy Lady strip club in Providence plan to hold a job fair on Saturday. Interested applicants are asked to bring their vacant eyes, cocaine habit, and daddy issues.

Jason Robertson, 26, and Thomas Valliere, 24, two traveling Canadians had been doing a bit of drinking when they decided to buy some cocaine to liven up their island vacation.

Having gotten a number from a local, Jason called, only to be told it was the wrong number. Not one to give up easily Jason called the number again insisting it was correct and that he wanted to buy some cocaine.

Unfortunately for Roberston the number he had called (twice) was to the cell phone of Jeff Jackson, deputy chief of the combined Police and Customs Drugs Task Force for the Cayman Islands. After the second call an undercover policeman telephoned Robertson back to set up the sale.

When he met the pair and handed over the cocaine - actually nondairy coffee creamer -- police swooped in. Robertson and Valliere were fined $1, 000 but since they had failed to actually buy cocaine, they were not charged with possession.

...a Yale University student is suing US Airways for $1 million over a lost X-Box hard drive...the student is asking for $1700 for the loss of the game, $25,000 in punitive damages, and the rest to replace the cocaine that was hidden inside.

City of Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency ExamName:____________________
Gang:________________________1. Duane has an AK47 with a 30 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive by shooting, how many drive by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload?2. If Jose has two ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8 ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it?3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800 per day crack habit?4. Jarome wants to cut his 1/2 pound of Heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need?5. Willie gets $200 for stealing a BMW, $50 for a Chevy and $100 for a 4x4. If he has stolen 2 BMW's and 3 4x4's, how many Chevy's will he have to steal to make $800?6. Raoul is in prison for 6 years for murder. He got more...

I knew a guy who accidentally mixed some Rogaine into his cocaine.He now has the longest nostril hair in the world.

A father passing by his son`s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I`m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I`ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it`s not only the passion, Dad. She`s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana cocaine doesn` t really hurt anyone. more...