Cock Jokes / Recent Jokes

There were 3 boys named
Zip
cock
and piss
their teacher went out of the classroom. zip cock and piss decided to be silly. zip went up a shelf
cock went in a cubord and piss messed around normally (writing swear words on the blackboard.) teacher came back and a kid ratted where they were, so she said.
Zip down!
Cock out!!
Piss in the corner!!!

Question: If I have a chicken and you have a donkey and your donkey ate both the feet off of my chicken what do you have?
Answer: Two feet of my cock in your ass.

Sheikh Chilli returns to his favourite Delhi Mai-Khana (restaurant) after a long pilgrimage. Joining his dosts (friends) at the central Burra Mez (Big Table), he takes his favourite seat & then discovers three strange parallel grooves marked into the wood. One is situated two inches, the second three inches, & the third four inches from the edge of his side of the table. Puzzled, he asks his companions what these mean. But they become embarassed by his question & avoid answering him. Irritated, he decides to wait till the Kad-Banu (hostess) arrives.
"By Allah, my dear Kad-Banu," he asks her when she comes. "What is the meaning of these mysterious shinkas (grooves)?"
"Last week three Dravidian men were here," she explains. "And they measured the size of their Lunds (penises)."
"Ha!" Chilli exclaims. "Who said us Punjabi men have small Zubbs (pricks)? I am bigger than them!" With that, he lets down his pyjamas more...

Little Johnny and his little red wagon goes to the store and he asks the clerk "do you have any bum?"

The clerk said, "no you mean gum."

Then Johnny asks the clerk "do you have a fuck it?"

The clerk said "no you mean a bucket."

Finally Johnny asks the clerk " do you have a cock and spank it?"

The clerk said "no you mean a cocker spaniel."

As Little Johnny goes home with all of his stuff in his little red wagon he suddenly forgot one more thing so he goes up to a old man and he said to him.

"Sir can you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it?!"

1. MILKING IT: When stroking a guy's dick don't grab it like a bus rail and start jerking it like you were milking a cow. Don't use the penis as if it's a piece of gym equipment to strengthen the forearms. The male organ is a thing of wonder and beauty, and should be worshipped and held tenderly at all times. The sensitive part is at the top (where your face should be), not two-thirds of the way down.

2. BEING NAKED: Very few female bodies are good to look it so please make an effort to cover up as much as possible with exotic lingerie. Match the outfit to suit your bod. If you've got a half-decent arse but no tits for example, wear stockings and suspenders and cover your meagre mammaries with something silky.

3. POOR PRESENTATION: Presentation is all important. Don't wait to be asked to get it doggy-style. Roll over and present. You know you love it!

4. SILENT FRIGHT: If you've come and cannot be arsed to scream to show your appreciation, at least more...

Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...

Were you born in the Year of the Ass? Consult the Corporate Animal Calendar to find out!
Select the number of the year your birthday end in.
Cock: 0
Maggot: 1
Sheep: 2
Weasel: 3
Cockroach: 4
Hen: 5
Snake: 6
Dung Beetle: 7
Squid: 8
Ass: 9
Blenny: Leap Year
YEAR OF THE COCK: Those born in this year tend to be the most aggressively abusive denizens of he office. Their evil crowing is ubiquitous, and they tend to regard all others as born in the year of the hen, and often become partners in law offices. Watch out for the ones born on the cusp of the Year of the Ass!
YEAR OF THE MAGGOT: These specimens usually become the bitterest of bitter clerks, often degenerating into paralegals in the terminal stages. The maggot yearns to rise up and cast down his masters, yet he knows he never will.
YEAR OF THE SHEEP: Prime exponents of the herd mentality. See them demonstrate loyalty. See them worship the corporate ethic. See more...