Collect Jokes / Recent Jokes

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.

If I had a nickname, I think I would want it to be "Prince of Weasels", because then I could go up and bite people and they would turn around and go, "What the-?" And then they would recognize me, and go, "Oh, it's you, the Prince of Weasels."

The whole town laughed at my great-grandfather, just because he worked hard and saved his money. True, working at the hardware store didn't more...

1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more...

A man, fond of practical jokes, decided late one night to send his friend a collect telegram which read, "I am perfectly well."
A week later, the joker received a heavy parcel - collect - on which he had to pay considerable charges. Upon opening it, he found a big block of concrete which had this message, "This is the weight your telegram lifted from my mind."

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''
9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.
8) Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''It's spreading, it's spreading.''
7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''
6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, more...

16 Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
( _ ) Champak
( _ ) Indrajal
( _ ) Star and Style
( _ ) The great Punjab Dairy
( _ ) Blank sheets
17 How often do you bathe:
( _ ) Weekly
( _ ) Monthly
( _ ) Yearly
( _ ) Not Applicable
18 Color of teeth:
( _ ) Yellow
( _ ) Brownish-Yellow
( _ ) Brown
( _ ) Black
( _ ) N/A
19 Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
( _ ) Manikchand
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JALANDHAR BOARD COLLEGE EXAM QUESTION PAPER...........
(this one's little difficult than last year's)
1. Write your name in less than 20 minutes and 20 letters ________________________
(only alphabets allowed, no numeric digits or "_" allowed)
2. Sex?
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Sardar
3. What's ur age group?
( ) less than 0
( ) equal to 0
( ) greater than 0
4. What is 2 + more...

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new
Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian
Chief in a modern society, he had never actually been taught any of the
old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he had no clue as to what
the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the
winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village
should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader,
after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called
the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to
be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed,"
the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went
back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to
be prepared.
A week later he called the more...

50 ways to FREAK your roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave
"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your
roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair
of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and
dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for your roommate
to come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like,
THEY, were here again."
5. Every time you see your more...