Collector Jokes / Recent Jokes

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.

The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

"Sir, there`s a debt collector in the outer office."
"Tell him he can take that pile on my desk"

WARNING! POOR FRED IS DEAD. DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE COME TO
MOURN HIS PASSING.
A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."
The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?"
"No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."
When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?"
"No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."
Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription: "Gone, But Not for Cotton. "RIP, Fred.

WARNING! POOR FRED IS DEAD. DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE COME TOMOURN HIS PASSING.A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton."The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?""No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton."When he returned the third day he humphed, "I suppose Fred is gone for cotton again,?""No," the woman answered solemnly, "Fred died yesterday."Suspicious that he was being avoided, the collector decided to wait a week and investigate the cemetery himself. But sure enough, there was poor Fred's tombstone, with this inscription: "Gone, But Not for Cotton. "RIP, Fred.

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections fromall the private businesses that they were protecting. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deafperson for this job. If he were to get caught, he wouldnt be able tocommunicate to the police what he was doing. Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50, 000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends someof their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deafcollector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector cantcommunicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter. The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where the money is."The interpreter signs, "Wheres the money?" r The deaf replies, "I dont know what youre talking about." Theinterpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesnt know what youretalking more...

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"Sir, we don't stop at Victoria."

"But I have to get off there!"

"Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running in mid-air. "Run faster! Faster!" He lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off! He's running at 30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other passengers stare in amazement.

As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the more...

A famous art collector is walking through Greenwich Village when he notices a mangy old cat lapping milk from a saucer in front of a store. And the collector
does a double take when he sees the saucer. He knows it's very old and very valuable. So he saunters casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for
two dollars.
But the store owner says to him, 'I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.'And the collector says, 'Please. I need a hungry old tomcat around the house to catch mice. I'll give you ten dollars for him.'And the owner says, 'Sold,' and takes the ten dollars. Then the collector says, 'Listen, I was wondering if, for the ten dollars, you might include that old
saucer. The cat seems to be used to it. It'll save me a dish.'
And the owner says, 'Sorry, buddy. That's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight cats!'