Collector Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were protecting. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get caught, he wouldnt be able to communicate to the police what he was doing. In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than $40, 000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money, and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is late and sends some of his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs drag the guy to an interpreter. The right-hand man says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Wheres the money?" The deaf collector signs, "I dont know what youre talking about." The interpreter tells the main man, "He says he doesnt know what youre talking abo ut." The main man pulls out a. 38 and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW more...

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100. 00 bill.

Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change."

"Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?"
"Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector.

"While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?"

"Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.

Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

"A what?" asked the collector.
"A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance.

"What does a rectum stretcher do?" The more...

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice."Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"This train doesn't stop at Victoria, it's the express."

"You are joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria!"

"Sorry sir. This train will not stop at Victoria."

"There must be something you can do."

"Well there is one thing. .."

"What? anything! I need to get off!"

"Well, I'll get the driver to slow down and I'll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"My God! Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

The train approaches the platform at 50 mph. The ticket collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running! The man is running in mid-air.

"Run faster! Run faster!" The ticket collector lowers the man down.

The man's feet touch the more...

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."