Collector Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made.
When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride to be said, 'White.'
The tailor was a bit surprised by this, and said, 'Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?'
The woman replied, 'I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector... God I miss him.'

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store.
He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable. He walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies,
“I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale. ”
The collector says,
“Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat. ”
And the owner says
“Sold, ” and hands over the cat.
The collector continues,
“Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me having to get a dish. ”
And the owner says,
“Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats. ”

A weekend cricketer bought a bat on hire purchase. Several weeks later, a collector called on him.

'Now listen here,' said the collector,' you're eight payments behind with your installments.'

'Well,' said the batsman, -'you advertise Pay as you Play, don't you?'' So?'' I play very badly.' !

A man travelling on a train ask the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.
"This train doesn't stop at Victoria, its the express"
"Your joking!, I NEED to get off at Victoria"
"Sorry sir, this train will not stop at Victoria"
"There must be something you can do"
"Well there is one thing"
"What, anything, I need to get off"
"Well, I'll get the driver to slow down and I'll dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform"
"My god! Will that work"
"Its worth a try"
The train approaches the platform at 50 mph
The ticket collector hangs the man in mid air out the door,
The man starts running. The man is running in mid air.
"Run faster! Run faster!"
The ticket collector lowers the man down.
The mans feet touch the platform! Smoke flies of his shoes and his heel comes off. The man is running for his more...

One day, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer all died and went to heaven.
St. Peter was there, having a bad day because heaven was getting crowded. When they got to the gate, St. Peter informed them that there would be a test to get into Heaven: They each had to answer a single question.

To the teacher, he said, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg and sunk with all its passengers?"

The teacher thought for a second, and then replied: "That would have been the Titanic, right?" St. Peter let him through the gate.

Next, St. Peter turned to the garbage man, and figuring that heaven didn’t really need all the stink that this guy would bring in, decided to make the question a little harder. "How many people died on the ship?"

The garbage man guessed 1228, to which St. Peter said, "That happens to be right. Go ahead."

St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. more...

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the
private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from
the police force, they decide to use a deaf person for this job; if he
were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police
what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $40,000. He gets
greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia
soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods
after the deaf collector.
The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The
deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags the guy
to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs,"Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter more...