College Jokes / Recent Jokes
College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission to his wife.
Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a ________."Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasnt watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. Whats the answer to the last question?"Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadnt noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, youre so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.""Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now."He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tinys should er again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?""You are really dumb, Bubba. Thats so easy. Farm is more...
Kids Say The Darnest Things
TEACHER: Jack, how old are you on your last birthday?
JACK: 7 years old
TEACHER: How old are you going to be on your next birthday?
JACK: 9 years old
TEACHER: That's impossible!
JACK: No it's not. I'm 8 today.
TEACHER: Mike, go to the map and show me where America is.
MIKE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Mike! !!
TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes sir.
TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?
STUDENT: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.
COOL STUDENT: Teacher would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: No.
COOL STUDENT: Good' cos I didn't do my homework.
TEACHER: Alfred, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.
ALFRED: Me! !!
TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY: No. I'm Billy Anderson.
TEACHER: more...
New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women
1... Combating Stupidity
2... You, Too, Can Do Housework
3... PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
4... How to Fill an Ice Tray
5... We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
6... Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4: 00am
7... Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
8... Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception
9... Get a Life: Learn to Cook
10... How Not to Act Like an Asshole When You're Obviously Wrong
11... Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
12... Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13... You: The Weaker Sex
14... Reasons to Give Flowers
15. How to Stay Awake After Sex
New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women
1... Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom
2... Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
3... You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try
4... The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower
5... I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please
6... How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")
7... "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
8... Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit
9... How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
10... The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
11... Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
12... Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
13... Mother-in-Laws: They are People Too
14... Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
15... You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
16... Seeing the True You (formerly titled "No, You Don't more...
A not necessarily well-prepared college student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed "Give four advantages of breast milk." What to write?" He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his definitive answer.
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He received an A.
25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study!
24. In high school, no food is permitted in the hall. In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder. In college, you were it on both.
22. In college, professors can tell you the answer without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or late slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you get to reside with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds emailed in high school. The cool kids hadn't heard of it.
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is, providing the classes don't conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your more...