Colonel Jokes / Recent Jokes
KGB colonel Petrofiev calls srg. Iliushin into his office. "At your service, comrade colonel."
"Comrade Iliushin, go tell Ivan this is his last chance. Unless he tells us where the treasure is, I will kill his wife and his daughter, burn his fingers, pop out his eyes, cut his ears, smash his balls and when I get tired ot tormenting him I will give his heart to my dog."
Srg. Iliushin rushes to the dark cell where Ivan lays on the floor already beaten to death.
"Dear Ivan, I did everything I could but I'm affraid they are very determined and this is the last offer they are going to make. Either you tell them the place you keep the gold and they will set you free or they will kill your family, burn your fingers, pop out your eyes, smash your balls and when they get tired they'll make your heart dog-food."
Ivan half death, scared out of his pants and fearing for his family, whispers with a painful grin he keeps the gold under his tent.
The more...
Shortly after being assigned to a new base, a Lieutenant and his wife were
invited to the Colonel's home for an evening of bridge. The Lieutenant was
partnered with the Colonel's wife and vice versa. After many hands, the
Lieutenant excused himself to use the toilet, but accidentally left the
door ajar. When the sound of splashing echoed through the family room,
his wife was greatly embarrassed and attempted to apologize, to which the
Colonel's wife smiled demurely, "Don't worry about it; this is the first
time all evening that I've been able to tell what he has in his hand."
A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India.One man he passed sported an enormous erection."Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted."Give this man 30 dayscompassionate home leave.""Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied.A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man."Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 dayscompassionate home leave," the Colonel barked.A few months later, same guy, same problem.The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given thisman two compassionate home leaves?""Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies."Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks.The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."