Color Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Uh, yeah... I invented Spaghetti-O's.
2. You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee -- and less drippy.
3. Y'know, this hat and apron would look a lot less silly at the foot of your bed.
4. Hey good lookin', whatcha got reducing over a low flame until the sauce is a creamy, then pouring the reduction over the already sauteed veal, adding in a dash of kirsch and flambeing just before presentation?
5. Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
6. Whisk, schmisk. I'll show you how a *real* man fluffs butter.
7. I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
8. Wanna lick my beater?
9. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
10. Hey, weren't you in my' Introduction to Melons' class?
11. I've made thousands of women cream... of tarragon soup!
12. Get the buttah.
13. One cheeseburger coming up. Would you like a little paradise with that?
14. Mmmm, you look good enough to filet -- but I think I'd more...
1. We know stuff about tanks
2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase
3. We can open all our own jars
4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group
5. We don't have to learn to spell a new last name
6. We can leave a motel bed unmade
7. We can kill our own food
8. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
9. Wedding plans take care of themselves
10. If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend.
11. Underwear is $10 a three-pack
12. If you are 34 and single nobody notices
13. Everything on our faces stays the original color
14. Three pair of shoes are more than enough
15. We don't have to clean the house/apartment if the meter reader is coming.
16. Car mechanics tell us the truth
17. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours withou thinking "He must be mad at me."
18. Same work - more pay
19. Gray hair and wrinkles more...
Each of us generates about 3.5 pounds of rubbish a day, most of it paper.
Women manage the money and pay the bills in 75% of all Americans households.
A rainbow can be seen only in the morning or late afternoon. It can occur only when the sun is 40 degrees or less above the horizon.
It has NEVER rained in Calama, a town in the Atacama Desert of Chile.
It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
An eighteenth-century German named Matthew Birchinger, known as "the little man of Nuremberg," played four musical instruments including the bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous stage magician of his day. He performed tricks with the cup and balls that have never been explained. Yet Birchinger had no hands, legs, or thighs, more...
A blonde entered a store to buy a television.
A salesman approached her and asked if she wanted a color television.
"What color?" asked the blonde.
1. George Washington isn't the first president. He was the first elected president.
2. Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
3. It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidently planted by squirrels who bury nuts and forget where they hid them.
4. Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel,"Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words-none of them with the letter "E".
5. Of all the words in the English laguage, the word "set" has the most definitions.
6. A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.
7. Every 45 seconds, a house catches on fire in the United States.
8. The sun is 330,330 times larger than the Earth.
9. A mole can dig 300 feet in just one night.
10. Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.
11. A hippo can open it's mouth wide enough to fit a 4 foot tall child inside.
12. A quarter has 119 grooves on it's edge, a dime has one less more...
"I don't care what color you paint the kitchen."
Really means: "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
"Good idea."
Really means: "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
"Have you lost weight?"
Really means: "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
"My wife doesn't understand more...