Color Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of more...

: When greeting a Filipino driver, slowly lower your window and be prepared to greet the driver with: "Tang namo, bobo". However, if you have been already addressed by a fellow driver, reply with a joyful "Tang namo rin, gago". On Turn signals If a driver in another lane turns on the turn signal, do not let him go into your lane. In fact, press the accelerator and start driving right next to him/her. The fellow driver will probably greet you and you already know what to do. On Traffic Lights These amusing artifacts hang from intersections for no apparent reason. Sometimes you will see drivers stop to see the colors change on these lights (a fascinating experience). Government officials (specifically police) believe that each color stands for an instruction for drivers to follow. From pure observation I have determined the following instructions for each color: Yellow light: accelerate your car as much as possible. Red light: this light gives permission to the next more...

"I'm going fishing." Really means"I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." "Let's take your car." Really means"Mine is full of beer cans and burger wrappers and is completely out of gas." "Woman driver." Really means"Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me." "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means"As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white." "It's a guy thing." Really means"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means"Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or more...

Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer`s eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist`s view of astrology as the mother of all science.

Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.

Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.

Bunsen Burner: A device invented by Robert Bunsen more...

This is why men are happier:
1- Your last name stays put.
2- The garage is all yours.
3- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4- Chocolate is just another snack.
5- You can never be pregnant.
6- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
7- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
8- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental- $100.
9- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
10- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. (lol)
11- One mood all the time.
12- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
13- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
14- You can open all your own jars.
15- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
16- Your underwear is just $9. 95 for a three-pack.
17- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. (sometimes 2)
18- Everything on your face stays its original more...

A woman getting married for the fourth time visited a tailor to get a wedding dress made. When the tailor inquired about the color, the bride-to-be said "White". The tailor was a bit suprised by this, and said, "Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but since white is the color traditionally worn by a virgin on her wedding night, I can't help wondering if you might still be a virgin? How could that be?" The woman replied, "I'm sorry to say, but that's the way it is. You see, my first husband was a psychologist. He just wanted to talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. He just wanted to look. My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him..."

This is an invaluable tool for grading the Redneck experience in immigrants and visitors from the North. This test really can't be cheated on... either you know it or you don't. One Yankee only mustered a 2 or 3, whereas rednecks typically score around 20+.
How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
What was the number and color of Richard Petty's cars?
Bill Dance is good at what?
What university does Bill Dance root for?
Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football?
After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?
In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block V8?
A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin' language?
What is a chigger?
What is scrapple?
Where is "The Redneck Riviera"?
What's that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees?
What follows logically? Johnson, Mercury, _______________.
What's the common name for a bowfin?
If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?
Who sang more...