Combat Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q:The American military wears combat boots. What does the French military wear?
A: Track shoes.

Things to Remember During a War

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.

2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.

4. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.

5. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.

6. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.

7. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation.

8. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.

9. You are not Tom Cruise.

10. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.

11. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.

12. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.

13. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.

14. Smart bombs have bad days too.

15. The best defense is to stay more...

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands.
In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China’s best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft.
The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system.
After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China’s Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese more...

If the enemy is in range, so are you.Incoming fire has the right of way.Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.There is always a way.The easy way is always mined.Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.If you are short of everything but the enemy, you more...

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.
2. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.
3. No inspection-ready unit ever passed combat.
4. No combat-ready unit ever passed inspection.
5. Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder.
6. Never share a cockpit with someone braver than you.
7. You are not Tom Cruise.
8. SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way.
9. If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you.
10. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.
11. Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles.
12. Smart bombs have bad days too.
13. The best defense is to stay out of range.
14. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.
To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"
"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.
The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.
"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.
"YES SIR!!" replies the seaman. He sprints for more...

If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
Never share more...