Coming Jokes / Recent Jokes

Are you sure that Al Gore started this way?
If this leaks out, I'll be ruined.
If this doesn't leak out, *I'll* be ruined.
If I could convince Hillary to do that just once...
Now you know why they call me 'Slick Willie'.
You are a White House intern; Well, now it's your turn.
I knew that a lot of things came across your desk, I just never thought that I would be one of them.
Somehow, I don't think that alan Greenspan would explain inflation that way.
I've always said, "I want to be a 'hands-on' president."
What do you mean 'falsie inspection. I don't remember a no falsies clause in my contract.
When you asked me to look at the presidential pole, I thought you meant the latest Gallup Survey.
I thought that all of those notches in your desk were from Sox sharpening his claws.
Are you *sure* it's in?
When you said that you had your finger on the pulse of the nation, this isn't exactly what i thought you meant.
"Maybe more...

Jesus was a Liberal
Jesus is Coming, Look Busy
Just say no to sex with pro-lifers
Hatred is not a family value
Guns don't kill people, radical pro-lifers kill people
If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
My karma ran over your dogma
God, protect me from your followers
Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
God is Coming and Is She Pissed
Minds are like Parachutes: They only function when open
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools
You will never find an atheist in a foxhole!

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married... Every month the centerfold is the same woman.

There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
By now, the car is so close and the man so scared that he just freezes and stops in the middle of the road.
The car gets real close, then swerves at the last possible moment and screeches to a halt right next him.
The driver rolls down the window.
The driver is a squirrel.
The squirrel says to the man, "See, it's not as easy as it looks, is it?"

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.
A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.
When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.
The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts-they're complimentary."

A mathematician, biologist and physicist are sitting in a street cafewatching people going in and coming out of the house on the other sideof the street.First they see two people going into the house.Time passes.After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.The physicist says: "The measurement wasn`t accurate."The biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."The mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it`llbe empty again."

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively "You've got great hair!" The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say "You're a handsome man!" The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.When he went back to his beer, the voice said again "What a stud you are!" The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts-they're complimentary."