Coming Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little John had a pet-chicken. He fed the chick each day and cared for her, but one day, to his shock, he found the chicken laying on her back, legs up high and mouth wide open. John ran to his father and asked him to come and take a look.
Dad came, glanced at the chicken, turned to his son and explained - "I'm sorry, Johnny, but your chicken has died. Look, how the legs are pointing up high to the sky, as if she was trying to get faster up to Heaven, to be with God!"
Next day, when dad came back from work, he found Johnny waiting for him. Before he could even get out of the car, Johnny was yelling: "Dad, dad! We almost lost our Mum today! I heard a noise and went to look for her and found her on her back on kitchen table!
And, dad, her legs were up, too, pointing to the sky as if she wanted to get there faster! And she was screaming 'Oh, God, I'm coming! Oh, God, I'm coming' and she kept on reapeating 'Yes! Yeees! Faster!'"
Then Johnny nodded and more...

The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the deathof the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately8: 42PM last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going andgoing and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends andrelatives, was alone at the time of his death. An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medicalExaminer, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death wasacute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put Mr. Bunny's batteries in backwards, and he kept coming, and coming and coming.....

Woody: “What’s shakin’ mister Peterson? ”
Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins. ”
Woody: “How’s it goin’ Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and I’m wearin’ Milkbone underwear. ”
Woody: “Can I draw you a beer Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “I know what they look like, just give me one. ”
Woody: “What’s goin’ down Mr. P.? ”
Norm: “My butt on that stool. ”
Norm: “I’m the ideal weight for someone 10 feet tall. ”
Coach: Can I draw you a beer, Norm?
Norm: No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.
Coach: How about a beer, Norm?
Norm: Hey I’m high on life, Coach…. Of course, beer is my life.
Coach: How’s a beer sound, Norm?
Norm: I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.
Coach: What’s up, Norm?
Norm: Corners of my mouth, Coach.
Coach: Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?
Norm: With a lot of expensive surgery, more...

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street.
First they see two people going into the house.
Time passes.
After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house.
The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate.". The
Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced". The
Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."

The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."

The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming up," says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one, too."

The old woman says, "Thank! you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."

"Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only more...

Two Deaf & Dumb Are Talking With Each Other. Meena: Are You Coming From Market? Teena: No I Am Coming From Market. Meena: Sorry, I Thought You Are Coming From Market.

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved baked beans, and shortly after, that they got married.
It was his birthday a few months later and, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, the man called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home.
So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he' putt-putted'. He' putted' more...