Committee Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didnt translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.

When a utility company started moving its heavy equipment into the quiet suburban neighborhood, the local residents formed a protest committee and invited the offending firm's attorney to attend the committee's first meeting. Before the meeting could be called to order, however, the attorney decided to take the initiative and question each homeowner separately. Turning to a pretty widow on the committee, the lawyer said: "Now, as I understand it, the utility company is running its equipment around the clock, and the noise is disturbing your rest."
"What rest?" she interrupted. " You try spending a night in my bedroom. I promise you won't get a wink of sleep."
"Really, madam!" exclaimed another homeowner reproachfully. "If you're going to make offers like that, you might at least give the fellows from your own neighborhood first chance."

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A university committee was appointed to pick a new dean. The committee narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer. During each interview, the candidate was asked to answer the question, "How much is two plus two?"

The mathematician answered immediately, "Four."

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, "Four, plus or minus one."

When the lawyer was asked the question, he stood, looked around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, "How much do you want it to be?"

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. - Milton Berle A committee is twelve men doing the work of one. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually. - Abba Eban A conservative is a man who believes that nothing should be done for the first time. A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. - Franklin D. Roosevelt A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home. A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place. A couple of months in the lab can often save a couple of hours in the library. A crisis is when you cannot say “let’s just forget the whole thing. ”

The Democratic National Committee finally released thousands of pages of
financial disclosure information. Says Vince Vieceli, "Unfortunately,
they released them from a third-floor balcony in New York during the
parade for the Yankees."

Changing of the English LanguageHaving chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the EuropeanParliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improvingefficiency in communications between Government departments. European officials have often pointed out that English spelling isunnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through andthorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes toiron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, beadministered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations. In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using' s'instead of the soft' c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities wouldresieve this news with joy. Then the hard' c' could be replaced by' k'sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear upkonfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould bemade with one less letter. There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond more...